We Were All First-Time Parents | Fat Dough Conversations #003

Daniel
1 day ago
2 min read

There comes a strange point in adulthood when you stop seeing your parents simply as your parents.

Recently, I was sitting across the dining table from mine, noticing their greying hair, their declining health and how their minds aren't quite as sharp as they once were.

And it suddenly hit me: We're all growing old together.

When we're children, we assume our parents know what they're doing. Then I became a father myself and discovered something terrifying: I don't know what the hell I'm doing either.

I'm a shitty dad sometimes.

I've made mistakes. I've said the wrong things. And now that my daughters are grown up, those little girls who once rushed to hug me when I came home are more likely to greet me with a middle finger.

Apparently that's love now.

I Don't Need My Daughters to Make Me Proud

I genuinely don't care if my daughters get Cs, Ds or Fs.

A bad grade might simply mean they're being measured at something they aren't good at.

I'd rather double down on their strengths.

My eldest initially pursued film, discovered she hated it, changed direction and went into law, something I'd always thought suited her love of debating and arguing.

My youngest was never academically inclined, but she's incredibly artistic. So instead of forcing academics onto her, we leaned into art. Today, she's studying at art school.

And if either of them changes direction again?

That's okay too.

I don't need them to live lives that make me proud. I want them to build lives that make them happy.

Let Them Crack the Egg

More than good grades, I want my daughters to remain curious.

Children naturally ask:

Why?
What happens if I do this?
Why does this work?

Sometimes, in our attempt to protect children from mistakes, messes and failure, we accidentally stop them from discovering things for themselves.

Let the kid pick up the egg.

Maybe they'll crack it.

Maybe it'll make a bloody mess.

But perhaps they'll discover that something hard can also be fragile. Perhaps they'll wonder what happens when it's heated, boiled, fried, or baked.

One question creates another.

That's curiosity.

And I'd rather raise someone who keeps asking questions than someone who's simply good at memorizing answers.

Maybe My Parents Were Figuring It Out Too

Becoming a father has changed how I see my own parents. They wanted security for me. I want possibility for my daughters. Different generations. Different circumstances. Different definitions of good parenting.

Understanding that doesn't mean pretending every mistake was okay. It simply means recognizing that my parents were doing this for the first time too.

Just like me. Maybe being a good parent isn't about raising children who make us proud.

Maybe it's giving them enough love, freedom, curiosity, and courage that one day... they become proud of themselves.

Life has a funny way of replacing judgment with understanding.